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Share  Topic: Assumptions and Judgements  (Read 2029 times)

Offline Sara Willis

Assumptions and Judgements
« on: April 21, 2013, 07:01:37 pm »
Assumptions and Judgements
4 April 2013, 8:52 am

Hello,

I read this article (please read it before reading the rest of this blog) this morning and it annoyed me. Not for the reasons you probably think but because I know what other people’s reactions will be.

I posted it on Twitter to see if I was right, and lo and behold I was. She was labelled a “monster” and people pitied the children.

I for one don’t see how she is a monster. She actually raised her children, without the aid of nannies which a lot of women depend on, and seems to have done a good job. I’ve lost count of the amount of “women” who have left me thinking “You don’t deserve those kids” because their “parenting” skills have left a lot to be desired. Not once did I think she doesn’t deserve her children.

She admits in the article that she felt no maternal bond with her kids but still loves them and that she never wanted children but had them because she didn’t want to deprive her husband of being a father. How does that make her a monster? Just because she has a womb she must automatically want and bond with everything that comes out of it? It’s pathetic and so fucking hypocritical.

So many men say they didn’t want their children and cry that they were “trapped”. They do fuck all for their children, nothing, they don’t even buy a pack of poxy nappies. Yet this woman gave up most of her life to raise her children and be a stay at home mum. And she’s still caring for her daughter too, at the end of the article she says how her daughter developed Multiple Sclerosis and how she has become her full time carer.

I guess people are right. What a terrible person, what an absolute monster. Disgusting.

And those poor kids. My God, how unloved her daughter must feel being cared for by her own mother in the comfort of her own home.

And I can bet that most people calling her a monster didn’t bother to read past the fucking title of the article. Because people see one thing and jump to ridiculous conclusions.

They’re hypocrites too. Because it wasn’t so long ago that I read and shared an article about a “mother” who had a severely Autistic son. From her article she made it quite clear that she resented him just breathing the same air she did, in fact all the article seemed to be was one long tale of woe about how her perfect life was ruined by her son who couldn’t help the fact he had a disability. In the end she gave her son up, she sent him away to a boarding school/care home. On one hand I think it was for the best as maybe now her son will get the care and attention she clearly felt was beneath her to give. But on the other I see it as a cop out.

But the response she got was insane. She was labelled a “perfect mother”, a saint, people felt for her, people “understood”. What the fuck is there to “understand” about a woman who resents her Autistic son because his disability shattered her perfect world?

Why isn’t she being labelled a monster? Oh because she doesn’t utter the words “I WISH I NEVER HAD HIM”? Ok. Makes sense.

So a woman who admits she never wanted children gives up her life to raise and care for her children is labelled a monster yet a woman who moans about how fat she got while trying to “care” for her disabled son is labelled a saint? Awesome. What a fantastic world we live in.

This is the reason I am always so hesitant to say I DON’T THINK I WANT CHILDREN. Because God forbid I get labelled a “monster” for admitting what I’m pretty sure half the female population thinks. You think every single one of your mothers wanted you initially? People grow to accept their situations, grow to love unwanted children. They just don’t have the balls to say it out loud that they were never WANTED. Instead some let it fester, it simmers into something else. They don’t treat their children right, they pass on issues and insecurities, they leave their marks. I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe if some women were a little bit more honest these children would understand why Mum doesn’t hug them, why Mum doesn’t always say “I love you” and why Mum doesn’t come running when they cry. It certainly doesn’t make them a monster or a bad person.

And why is it that only men are allowed to admit it? That they’re the only ones allowed to say they weren’t ready or that they never wanted kids? Why do people assume that not wanting your child in the first place means that they don’t love that child?

I know for a fact my Mum didn’t WANT either of us, and while she might not realise it she certainly wasn’t ready to be a mother but does that mean she didn’t grow to love us? If you genuinely think that I have no time for you. Sure she might not show it in the same way as other mothers do, sure she only started saying “I love you” about 5 years ago, sure she still doesn’t comfort us, sure she still struggles to hug us, but are people really that moronic to think that all of this means she doesn’t love us or that she should be labelled a monster and people should pity us? Please. She would kill, fight anyone and starve for us. And that far outweighs the lack of cuddles and maternal bonds.

Maybe if people could look past all this bullshit that every woman must want children otherwise there is something wrong with her, they would see that Isabella isn’t a monster in the slightest. She’s more of a mother than most like to think they are.

That’s my two cents (well, it was more like a fiver but I don’t do things by halves)…What’s yours?

Source: BLOG: Sara Willis [http://www.bustysara.com]



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